I decided, as insane as it sounds, that I cannot, should not, and even if it means being homeless, will not work with an agency who's answers are that flippant. Nope, not going to happen. My whole life I've just turned over and bared my throat to the big dog, to the bully, and been beaten and maimed for it time and again. So I'd rather now just stand my ground, stand up for myself, and die trying than keep getting hurt and left for dead.

Two years ago May 20th I wanted to die, I was ready. I thought it would solve my problems and let me rest. Now, two years later I know that's not the case. I remember, in horrifying detail the last time I took my life, and what exactly happened. I'm still angry, and hurt. I have pain from a life, people who are all now probably dead . . . Then of course there is the pain, anger, and hurt from this life.

G-d got to rest, when do I???

Yeah, I told them in th nicest possible way that I couldn't accept the terms of their assistance. Wow. Progress of one sort, but only the providence knows the cost to me personally.

The good news is my sister called again yesterday, we spent four more hours on the phone. She wanted to know if it would be okay with me if she changed her trip in August so that on the way back from the UK she stopped over for six days instead of six hours . . . Hell yeah!!! Love that girl, she really gets me . . .