You deserve to be happy. Out there is work that would feel at least "okay" to you, which would be better than what you have right now. Most decisions are reversible. If you got another job you hated that much, you really could find another one. Get someone to help you look at the online ads. I have gotten my best jobs from "Simply Hired" on the internet. Being very depressed requires someone helping and coaching you. It is simply too overwhelming to try to do it all on your own.