I have all kinds of anti-histamine medicine and it does help. I wont get over chronic ptsd though. I am done managing symptoms and crippling along without support. I was deluded thinking my mother was going to give me the keys and go away. I knew in hospital this would end with me hanging in the woods.

When I went I.to hospital I hit the roof when the doctor referred to me as "threatening suicide". I have done no such thing. I have spoken openly about suicide. I have spoken honestly and for a long time avoided even sarcasm and irony and trhetorical hyperbole to jeep my speech as honest as it could be. Working with people who work with psychiatric patients, it seemed wise to avoid using language in ways that could be misunderstood. She may have used threatened as one light say, it threatens rain.

In the end all that honesty was overridden by the general lack of respect in the mental health industry. In the end I lied to get out. I said I was going to be OK but I knew I was going to hang myself. Its funny how Ive always known things about my life. Long ago I knew the apot where I would exit this one.