I have felt completely out of sorts the last few days, and have so many questions swirling around in my head that I really wanted to ask, but have been feeling incredibly worried about posting.

I am unable to lift the feeling of sadness and deep sorrow that I have, and no matter how I keep trying to live in the moment, practice gratitude for what I have.....I find myself fearing that something bad is about to happen.

I see people, meet for coffee and chat......but I feel numb, and fearful. What is this about? I really do get fed up of trying to figure out all these 'moods' or 'cycles' as some refer to them.

I know beneath the surface there is a lot going on, I have been triggered by the father of one of my sons friends, and each time I see or talk to him(which has been a few times in the last couple of weeks) I realise that I am drifting off and not even hearing what he is saying to me. I also expressed to my therapist that I know that no matter how uncomfortable I feel with whatever I need to talk about, that together we can work it out.........and that has me freaked. I feel strange.

Not sure what I need from this post....but I guess part of it was to break through the fear of posting, being judged stupid, being too vulnerable....ugh!