***Possible trigger? Not sure.

My T says things along the lines of she knows that people care about me or would want to be there for me. This is despite the fact that she doesn't know 99% of the people in my life. How could she know what their opinions of me are?

And this is coming from someone I pay. I don't like dishonesty and I have asked her many times to be honest with me, and I don't think she's necessarily lying, but I don't think she's being totally truthful, either, regarding her opinion or the opinions she thinks others have. It has to be biased because of the money, right? She wouldn't say something like "I don't find you a very likeable person" or "I could see how others might have a problem with you" to someone who is giving her money, even if it was true. I know I wouldn't!

And the actions of other people make me believe that she is wrong. Other people say that they care about me, but none of them actually demonstrate that they do. None of them speak to me unless I start a conversation. None of them reach out to me even if they know I'm struggling. None of them take time out of their lives to spend any time with me, even if I ask them to. None of them invite me anywhere to do anything with them. There are more reasons, too.

Even if they claim to, they don't actually care. And I have spent several years deluding myself because they occasionally stated that they cared about me. No they don't. None of them do.

I was abused as a child because I was awful and unlikeable. I was bullied and teased as a child for the same reason. And I am ignored and lied to by everyone for the same reason. I wish people stopped telling me what they think I wanted to hear and started just telling me the truth. I hate myself and I am sure everyone else hates me, too.

My T is wrong.