Hi all,
I just wanted to get some things off my chest. So here goes...
Me and my wife are more distant than ever. We have nothing in common at and I feel no connection with her at all. When I say this I mean I try to be a couple with her but she never gives the same back to me. I ask her if she loves me and she says she does but she never shows me in any way. I always initiate the kisses and cuddles etc.
I am seriously considering going out there on my own but a few things stop me.
1.Finances. We are collectively in a ton of debt and I don't know if I'd be able to survive financially (I know this is a poor excuse to stay with someone).
2.My child. I have 2 children but only one to her. He is my son and I would give my life for both him and my daughter but I have a huge connection with him and I would never take him away from her but I don't want to leave him. I know there is the option of seeing him on certain days etc but it is so hard to do. I have been in situations like this before and it has broken my heart.
3.Fear. I am getting older and feeling less attractive each day. I could be alone for a long time. Also she scares me. When we broke up once before (years ago) it was for similar reasons, she followed me in her car, she hacked my fb and email accounts and even created fake accounts to try chatting me up. She wouldn't leave me alone and text me constantly, when I changed my number she would email me instead. This was all abusive. When I eventually thought there was a posibility she had changed I made a concious decision to make my marriage work. But she hadn't changed. It is just the same again. She tells me she loves me yet she won't get close to me in any way, we sit on opposite sofas and stare at our mobile phones most of the night. She goes to bed early to avoid sex and I never get sex. Its just like living with a house mate and sharing a child. I mean, what do I do? Is divorce or separation a bit extreme? Am I just being over the top and expecting too much from her? Should I stay until my son is old enough to understand? I have no idea what to do at all.
I went to get myself re-diagnosed yesterday and was told I had gotten worse with my depression and anxiety. I have changed my medication and I am just at a complete loss as to what I should be doing.
In an ideal world she would tell me she doesn't love me anymore, she would leave me and say I can see my son whenever I like. She would let me get out there and find someone who does care and who does love me. I don't think she is having an affair but I just don't understand why she is so distant. If I ask her its the same old excuses. "I'm just tired", "I feel dirty, I need a shower" and other variations of these. Where am I going wrong? If flowers, wining and dining and other romantic gestures don't cut it then I have no idea what else to do.