I can't take it anymore.

I hate my life so much and hate myself even more. Right now I type this as my parents fight. This is how I've lived most of my life. In fear of my dad and so scared of him to keep the house clean. Lonely as I hear people yelling outside my room. My only sibling doesn't talk to me. No matter how busy she is. She has a fiancee and still has a job at the place I got fired from. She's in college and she uses being busy as an excuse to do what she's done since I was born. Hate me and leave me alone.
I've lived my life with heavy anxiety. Every time a very embarrassing memory pops into my head I have a small anxiety attack. I've developed homicidal ideology from hearing that asshole my mom married make her cry and yell in frustration. I hate myself because I get depressed and angry over things that are so little. There's a game called World of Warcraft out. It's massive. I used to be so interested in it. Now I am barely interested in it and I still have the game. I hate that I can't let go of it and at the same time I hate that I can't get into it. I've struggled to beat my disorders and they eat me alive. My ADHD procrastination is killing me and destroying my relationship with my father. No matter what I do nothing works.
I've attempted suicide twice and I wish I'd died. Life isn't worth living in a pit of anger and fear. After being given a massive therapy attack I realized I don't have it in me to kill myself and to be honest that has only made my life worse.
The only people who give a crap about me live hundreds of miles away and I can't see any of them anytime soon or later.
I honestly don't want to believe in god anymore. I hate him. I hate everything he's given me. I hate who he's made me into and I hate the life he's given me.

So there. That's everything. With my mom crying outside my door I wish I could hurt my stepfather and then I would die and disappear into a black pit of nothingness. I want nothing more than to scream as loud as I can and destroy everything around me. Say something that helps me before I'm depressed and angry enough to do it.