Having a hard time gauging where I am mood-wise lately. Sometimes clear, but shifting a lot. There is definitely a strong current of (situational) hopelessness running beneath it that I just wish would show some freaking sign of *not* being as hopeless as it feels!! I have been waiting a really long time. It would just make other things a lot easier to bear. I don't ask for much, I truly don't. So I don't understand why and so get looped in on really negative self-assessment. It's total CBT material, but I can't otherwise make any sense of it, so have nothing to counter the thoughts with. Which only reinforces them.

Generally decent. Really, you wouldn't know this other thing is going on in there. Just keep pushing through like nothing's wrong. But it's really taking a toll inside my head. Which is where it's staying. I refuse to put it out there. The couple of times I let but a single sample-sized bit of it out, I really regretted. So, like they say… the show must go on. Keep busy and try not to internalize what, when it comes right down to it, I can't control. Even though it TOTALLY sucks.

Today was alright. It's been kept at bay.