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sunrise said:
almeda, for me, "boundaries" is not a negative, but something I need to learn to set better for myself. We talk about this in therapy a lot. My T has boundaries too, but they are not a negative, just something to keep both him and me safe. If I cross them, I would expect him to tell me, and then I would back off.

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Of course, I have more to write on this topic and did want to completely hijack Jannie's thread...sorry Jannie...

Sunrise, why do you have to be so logical and right? This makes sense now I think. I see boundaries as a negative...something to overcome and not comply with.

If I apply this to my life out of the session, then I realize I need to be friends with whoever I'm working for or anyone who I perceive as being in a position to judge me in some way.

Using the boss example, if we are friends then I know for sure he/she likes and accepts me and will give me feedback when needed but won't berate me or belittle me.

Also, it is easier for me to work for said boss. I usually do everything I can to take care of them professionally and personally if they want to talk about anything too. This boss who could be male or female is usually older than me and not younger.

I guess I'm always looking for love, acceptance and someone to take care of me and me of them.

With the bosses that I have not been able to establish that sort of relationship with like my current one. I'm very uneasy about my job, how I'm doing the job and whether or not they are 'mad' at me.

Now that I give this more thought, I think my current boss has the same needs that I do but for different reasons. My boss is nasty, moody and very devaluing to most people in the office. She has lots of highs and lows. One minute she's loving me or someone else and the next minute we're nothing.

She jumped right on the friend wagon and it worked for awhile. But lately, we've been clashing on work issues. I'm kind of black/white in my thinking (I am an auditor) and this isn't the political environment for that. Anyway, I haven't been backing down because it will be my 'you know what' on the line if something goes wrong later on. So the friend wagon has crashed and burned.

Now, I'm trying to get out of here. I'm uncomfortable every day that I come in to the office. See the pattern?