I can now relax. My counselor and I have had a few very long conversations about how DID is created and what alters are and that alters do not die and why it is impossible to have alters that would die. For one thing they may be alters but its my body. the only way they will die is if I die. My alters can't die and my still remain alive and I cant die and my alters still remain alive because my alters are just a part of me. She said my alters are just the memories that were too hard for me to handle or understand when I was a child. She also said that when integration happens all thats going to happen is that I will be able to remember and fully experience the emotions that are with those memories. She also said that integration is like my being able to remember seeing my counselor and having the conversations with my counselor. I remember what we talked about because that memory isn't shut off away from me because of abuse surrounding our sessions. I will remember what happened to me and then just like my being able to remember my therapy sessions I will always be able to remember what happened and that at one time that memory had been split up into pieces but now the memory is one whole memory. she also showed me in some books what she was talking about and drew pictures of how the brain works and stores memories. I feel so much better now.