I didn't feel too well before I left for Florida. I felt anxious and a lot of pressure.

I have to do many things right now for my son, bills that have to be paid that I'm falling short on, and a ton of other things such as paperwork, housework ... I can go on endlessly, but I won't cuz that's too much to see a list of for me.

Anyways, I felt nervous and anxious coming home from florida. Having to come back to what was waiting here.

I had to go to a wedding last friday. I didn't want to go. I had a bad feeling about it all day. I was in a weird mood and I couldn't figure out why. I kind of got out of it by the time I got there and everything was going ok, up until dessert came out.

This big banana flambe show came out. They had three tables going on with this and they were dumping huge amounts of cinnamon to make it sparkle along with flames.

There was so much cinnamon that the men who were sprinkling it were covered in it. The whole floor had to be sweeped. It was gross.

There was so much smoke in the room...a woman turned to me at the table and said to me "I hope the sprinklers don't go off."

I started having a problem catching my breath and coughing. I have a history of asthma, but have had it under control for a good year now.

I thought I'd go and leave the main room to get away from the smoke. I got a coke and waited until the room was clear, but it wasn't helping. I had gone back to the table, but I was in distress and my friends noticed and one pulled me outside into the fresh air. By this time I was not clear whatsoever.

I was having a very difficult time breathing. I never had such a serious attack. They called into the main room to friends to see if anyone had an inhaler and someone did so I used it and immediately I had relief, but after less then 5minutes I was having a problem again so I needed to go to the hospital.

I am on treatments and prednisone since then. I don't really have a wheeze...I just feel really tight in my chest...labored breathing. I'm exhausted ...fatigued...not that I wasn't fatigued enough before all this, but now I'm just feeling completely tapped.

I don't want to be around anyone. To do anything is taking an extreme amount of effort. I went to my T tuesday and I had no desire to be there for the first time. I had really nothing to say and she did most of the talking and I even think she was uncomfortable.

I said I had enough and this appt. would need to end. I didn't have anything I wanted to go on about and I was tired. She asked me if I would come to group that night and I said maybe., but never went.

I fell asleep.

I feel really bad right now ...overwhelmed etc., which I dunno it feels weird ... unsettling. You know that feeling the calm before the storm. Not that there is going to be a storm persay, but that eerie feeling.

Maybe I feel numb and feelings of being overwhelmed got me here?

There is more, but I'm too tired to explain myself.

I figured I'd type something here cuz I feel like I'm drifting away to being completely alone and that's not too good. Like isolating myself.

I'm sorry to my friends here that I haven't really talked with or checked on. I just am spent I guess, but I still think and worry about you guys.

I also care about many posts that I come across and think about responding, but I don't ..and I think it's cuz I'm tired... *shrugs*

~E