In the cold hard light of morning, which is it literally is here, a dark, wet, gray, windy, unseasonably cold morning more like mid-November than early October, I have to ask myself at this point, why do I fear the Stasi? What could they do to me?

In real life, they have no real dirt on me, because there isn't any there which rises to the level of a prosecutable crime (I hope you all realize I am writing metaphorically, and really talking about mental health status in a quasi medical-legal way). Yeah, I have my odd moments where things set me off and I withdraw or get anxious or whatever. I'm not stark raving bonkers and longingly planning the next public massacre or something - what in my catastrophising state I fear people think of me or anyone with any MI. No, in real life, my bad days mean I don't get a whole hell of a lot done at work, or I completely ignore housework so I can sulk and brood and wallow in inner misery. But overall, although it comes and goes, I am a damn lot more real-world functional and responsible than a hell of a lot of so-called normal people.

What can they really do to me -nothing legally, not throw me in the psych ward forever as I fear, or even a day. They could just ... Hate me, fear me, ostracize me, shun me. A big part of me says at this point that would be just another form of deep housecleaning, out with the rubbish, if I am not good enough for them to hell with them all.