You do realize that these "fears" you have are the result of how your father instilled them in you, right? However, he did that because of his own fears Mowtown.

The brain spotting you have done is to find the "stress" you have experienced in your past and on top of that the stress you were put under while you were away at college and your mother would call you because your father was scaring her. Did your mother call your sisters when they went off to college? No, because she had you to protect her so she did not "stress" your sisters.

Also, if you really think about your struggle to concentrate at work at times, the truth is you have also been under stress too, that is how stress affects pretty much everyone. It is important that you work on understanding how "stress" can be the culprit to thinking bad thoughts and then work on developing more "self soothing" rather than "self incrimination". What inspires me about you is that you did set a path that was "positive" to where you embraced the right things that were "positive and productive" for you Mowtown. That is what a "survivor" does.

When you deal with "dysfunctional" famly members, it is important that you develop the capacity to see these other family member's dysfunctional thinking and rise above it to where you allow yourself to distance yourself from the "bad messages" these family members convey to you.

When someone develops PTSD, which "is" a stress breakdown, the person does want to have a "comforting presence" that tells them "it's going to be ok", that is a normal average "human" response. This is so much so that it is the basis for the development of different religions. It is human nature to "fear a wolf" of sorts Mowtown, not just your own nature, but that of all humanity itself. However, this human fear has led to our evolution as a species to where we have consistently developed so many different ways of thriving, it's pretty amazing if you really think about it.

You have recognized that your "stress" is not dangerous to anyone other than yourself too. The truth is that you are and have always been "a good person" Mowtown. So, it is important that when you are "stressed" and feel challenged that you make sure you develop a growing sense of "self care" and keep making efforts to discard the "self incriminating" thinking that only makes your efforts to make gains "harder". As I am saying this to you, I "know" that can be a challenge because I "do" struggle myself with PTSD, and I know how "stress" can be harder to work through with PTSD.

It is important that you recognize the overall challenge in yourself as "stress related" so that you continue to "improve" and not feed into confused thinking that is self sabatoging. Yes, it is one day at a time and some days are more challenging than others, however, as you keep "self soothing" instead of "self sabatoging" you will continue to "gain" more skills at doing better one day at a time.

((Caring Supportive Hugs))
OE