Feel like I'm slipping more. Food doesn't taste as good anymore, being awake seems like an inconvenience, moving my limbs is like trying to move boulders, thinking any meaningful thoughts seems pointless. I feel void of feeling, even more than before. I don't want to die but I don't really want to live, either.

Tried getting meds adjusted but was told I couldn't be seen by psychiatrist until December. Therapist was on vacation for 3 weeks so I didn't make any progress with that for the past month. Feel like I'm in a void and getting out isn't going to happen until after I've been swallowed by darkness. I don't want to call any hotlines and don't want to go to the hospital, so I stay in bed waiting for some other help to arrive. Friends don't check in with me anymore - they're all busy with their lives as they should be, and I don't think they know what to do with me anyway. They care, but they're frustrated too. My husband is starting to act more depressed too. He doesn't have a history of depression but it's like I'm rubbing off on him or something. I'm no joy to be around. Don't know what to do so I just keep lying here.