Thanks very much for your really helpful replies. I really appreciate it.

hvert: Yes, I do think that writing is some kind of therapy in itself and reading other peoples posts on the topic is so valuable as a way of getting perspective. I think a lot of people, myself included, find it hard to accept that what they grew up with is not normal.

I think that's excellent advice, it's true they have found a way to get what they want (attention and control) and any response from me, even getting angry and telling them where the boundaries lie actually feeds them. In that respect they are similar to a bully.

I think it depends on the topic and the parent in question. My mum tends to very explicitly dominate and control the direction of a conversation. My dad is a more subtle, but the result is much the same. My dad tends to express his opinions without any prompting. I'm sure he knows that I often don't share those opinions. I think it's a bid to convert me. I loved your suggestion to ask them what nursing home that want to end up in, lol. They would be horrified! Actually they would be speechless, so I could try that next time my dad is holding fourth on some matter. In reality I know what their view is concerning nursing homes. They expect me to look after them. After all what better way to control me and my time.

Gosh, yes, I totally agree with you. I've often found that I've subconsciously bonded with people that share a many of the same personality traits as my parents. This has caused me lots of problems in romantic relationships. Not so much so in friendships. I also find myself being overly controlling with people from time-to-time. It's definitely something I need to watch out for. If I'm not careful I could easily turn into them. I think that goes back to my perception of what is normal, i.e. it's distorted.

ChipperMonkey: Thanks, that's a good point. I will think about where my boundaries should lie and write that down, then I can refer to it when they next pressure me. It's important, as you say, not to let them run things.