Hello yismymindblank12: I'm sorry to hear you have come to this point. I think it is true that, for the most part people don't really much care about one another, except on a superficial level. The only exception to this, by-&-large, is if you meet someone with whom you fall in love & vice versa. Then, one has at least the potential for a deeper & more meaningful relationship. This doesn't mean it will happen. It frequently doesn't. But the potential is there.

My perspective, with regard to my own situation, is that as long as I don't create any trouble, no one really cares how I suffer. They just want me to continue to be the person they always knew me to be, even if that person is fake, & continuing to act like that person causes me great pain.

Again, in my own situation, I have managed to stumble through life, from one year to the next, to the point where I am now one of those old people you do not wish to become. (I never wanted to become one, either.) And I can't even say I think it has been worth it. All it has meant is that I have gradually gone from being able to hide behind a mask of normality, to being betrayed as a mentally ill person by my own loss of the ability to keep the mask in place.

Still, I did manage to find someone to love, who also loves & cares for me. So I can't say that my having managed to continue to live all of these years has been all bad either. So I guess what I'm suggesting is that what it sounds as though you're experiencing, in terms of relationships, is pretty-much the way it is unless and / or until you meet someone with whom you can fall in love & who loves you. But finding that one person can take time & sometimes it requires one to spend time slogging through the more superficial relationships in order to find that special one. Does that make sense?