Yes it does, I don't mean it's bad for most people who die growing old how they want. I'd rather leave this country and not come back to the states I'd be happier dying on alone on an island with monkeys somewhere in the carribean or in south america. I'd watch the ocean pretend I'm in a different time lapse a different better world in my mind. Just to cope that my situation is more grim than I'd like to think about. I'd rather just run away use my skills and knowledge of knowing what's out there in the world and just leave what I have behind now, but now in the age of no privacy, no security and no freedom. I can't be that, without federal agents putting posters where I'm located. I don't want to be found, I can make up my own friends since I was little I had no friends and my imaginary friends that I could see. I am always described by everyone who does psychedelics and all kinds of drugs that I do them a lot, by how I talk and live my life, and I don't I'm stuck with a body that hallucinates, and experiences living on a whole new level and those drugs disrupt it. So all my friends aren't real, I know that, but they feel real.
It's all I have, because real people aren't real they suck they are in their own head.
It won't change when I'm old, I'd see them again, and I'd die with my nightmares coming to this reality crossing the line of reality and the deep passages of euphoria and hell in my mind coming into my here and now. So deep down, I can't be what they want me to be because I don't know who I am. I am twenty people lived and died so many times with so many failed past lives. I'm trapped in existence by ignorance and arrogance of the people of my youth. I could care less at this point if everyone goes away forever or not even though I try to show I care about them just to see how much humanity I have left in me.
It makes sense, I really wish it would happen, I'm hoping and deep down I'm not looking for that person. I'm doing everything right apparently, but it won't feel right. Why are people so entitled to feel so much better than everyone else and want to control you? When I just want to either be alone and talking to myself and living my life like I'm high and stuff. I just want to be left alone I don't care about your **** or you ego get it's not my problem. This goes to girls and guys I meet just to be friends with them, I am alone because of my intelligence and my life experience. I know I can be like everyone else, but it's a lot harder when you know you aren't liked for being weird, even though they call themselves weird too and they apparently "accept weird people".

I hope your right, damn I hope you are, because I'm not trying to not let them in I just don't have any other choice given my circumstances. I know what you mean I just hope you are right.