Hi needarealitycheck, it can take a lot to love that much, so there has to be something special about you, right?
But as for the pain, the hurt...........well remember that you will have learned from the things that have happened. And I'm not saying any of that was your fault for a second, but if you find yourself on the edge of being hurt that much again, you're going to have that bit more insight to turn things around, or walk away if you need to before...........we can't always but sometimes. And it can be worth it. And perhaps see the failed relationship/s as a step towards something better??
And the mistakes..........well everyone is going to make mistakes, regardless of how hard they try not to. You can even have covered all the bases, have something so well worked out.........yet still make mistakes. So please don't "beat yourself up" over what you did in the past. Perhaps see it as you not living with all those mistakes but living with experience. And that experience you can use as well, right?? To help you find a better way forward........??
And while you might be alone now (other than you know you've got us, don't you!! ) that doesn't mean that it always has to be like that. So just some small steps to begin with, hey?? Maybe you could open your life just a little bit more to allow just a few more people in?? Even if, for now, that just involves talking (just casually) to a few more people. Maybe??
One step, one day at a time...........your past doesn't have to be all there is.

Alison