That is a lot to go through…especially in such a short timeframe! (One year, I lost 3 people to death in the space of 9 months and thought that was rough-- I can scarcely imagine your experience. And given the intensity of that, the other sentence a pretty understandable reaction. BUT. If you look at it through logic, you can see that it is catastrophizing, and a prime candidate for using CBT on -- that is, taking a thought and putting it up against a reality check and logic. The chance of such a tumultuous month happening again, (let alone continuing(!)) is EXTREMELY unlikely. Like extremely extremely. Therefore not a good or useful thing to base your thinking on, right?
This is universal in grieving. One of the phases in going through grief. But it is simply a part of the process. The process that brings you through it. (Like already mentioned, please don't try to drink your way through it. That won't work and will only make it worse and longer, which is counter-productive to the goal --getting through to where things are more normal again.) One of the things to remember about this phase of grieving is that the balance starts to shift --with more of the better times and less of the bad times. So be gentle with yourself. It takes time. Meanwhile, MM's idea is good. Help is out there. And though it may take time to find someone who is versed in BP, there are a lot out there who deal with grief issues. Even just starting with that part would be helpful. You don't have to wait till you find someone or some place that can handle it all.