By self destructive I meant that this man does not meet my emotional needs,I am tearing myself up over this yet I have stayed involved..He will never marry me,yet I am expected to stay alone by myself while he goes home and lies to his wife,lay up with her carrying on a degree of normal.
Self destructive is the anger I feel from being lied to and used,self destructive is my passive acceptance of the anger and the lies when I know it is eating me up inside.I know where he lives and know how to call his wife and am soo tempted to call and bring this fake world of his to light.
Self destructive is putting up awith and tolerating being treated like a second class citizen-Never in my life have I settled for second best or begged for a man to love and care for me,yet I do It now.Maybe a lack of self respect and self esteem.I am a reasonably attractive woman for my age-46,and there is no reason why I cant find a man that will treat me right and will commit.I want to be married and know that this relationship now will never give it to me.