I know that no one here is capable of answering what I can't even answer, but I would love some outside opinions about things I have thought about all weekend.

My T asked me about a month ago if I thought there was SA as a child as I can't remember much of my young years, I have a lot of fear and mess in my life that has been there as long as I can remember and other things that sorta pointed that way. I told him no as I don't know of anything and can't imagine that happening or by whom. To be honest though, I have wondered since I was in my young adult years and the more I think about aspects of my life, the more I wonder.

Here is my question. How do you decide if pieces of the puzzle are creating a picture that you just don't want to see or you are TRYING to create a picture to give answers to behavior that is not understood? I know already there was emotional abuse from early on, but some things I see in myself seem more intense then that even. Would love the thoughts of others before I decide if this is something I want to bring up with my T (yes, I know I should but I have an issue with being worried about looking overly dramatic and manipulative and I don't want to risk that appearance). Insight anyone?? Here we go....

*I definitely have issue with my spouse when it comes to intimacy.
*I am over 40 and still can't visit 'certain doctors' (if you know what I mean), well ok, I have maybe 5 times in my life...
*I recall 'games' played as a child that I have assumed all my life was just curious kid stuff (and the shameful part is that I remember being the one to ok the games so I know it wasn't forced but I remember it seeming like games I already knew about). But at what point do you think that 'child inquisitive play' is a sign of SA earlier on?

It is all so confusing but I SURE don't want to create what isn't truly there!!!!