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Crystal88 said:
Im confused I thought alters from DID don't die and can't be killed or made to go away. I think I will talk to my therapist about this because thats scarey. I don't want a part of me to die. it a part of me dies then doesn't that mean that I die too, like my brain cells that worked as that alter die? weird and scarey. My therapist has worked in the field of DID for 25 years or more so hopefully she will know what this dieing alters is about and whether or not I will die too.

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You know, I honestly don't know, I'm not a therapist. I'm sorry if I confused and / or frightened you Crystal, was NOT my intent or wish.

I do know that the one person who stood between me and the world for so long is long gone. With him some abilities and capabilities I wouldn't mind having. He also had his own hopes, wishes, dreams, aspirations, likes and dislikes, he was in so many ways a different person. I feel like I have suffered a great loss, more over, so do many of my friends and family.

Admittedly my situation is a bit different because I had what is called a conscious fracture. Basically I did it purposely and with careful thought, I created this person, built him from pieces and role models around me all those years ago. Once he was fairly complete, and designed to learn and grow, not need an supervision I left. Wasn't till many, many year later that I felt safe enough, far enough away from my abuser and my past, that I could start to venture out.

Over time, because I hadn't learned how to avoid anything, how to truly protect myself, I wound up in almost exactly the same situation. The problem was this time there was a deep emotional involvement, and that just screwed everything up. "He" died taking most of the damage and buying me time.

My therapist has assured me that "he" is not really dead, that he's just parts of me that I cannot deal with right now. Eventually she says I'll be able to re-integrate those pieces, but until then, when I've healed some more, and rested more, they are lost to me. So, perhaps I misspoke, or wasn't entirely clear, but to me, from my perspective it feels like he died.

Me, I feel like I've suffered a great loss, a brother basically in many respects. I feel guilt. He was a soldier, always on duty, never had a day off, was always protecting me and basically "took a bullet" for me. Yeah, so I'm a bit of a drama queen I guess, I've been called worse. Fact remains, he was a duck, water just rolled off his back, me, I'm drowning.