Thank you all.

I am quite confused about my reactions, and I think that it is all me, over reacting as usual. I never used to have these issues until the last few years since the ptsd took over and I began to crawl out of a deep deep destructive depression.

Even then, after all I had been through I still had some hope that I could find a relationship with a man, and tried again(silly really when I wasn't well myself) and ended up feeling more intense pain. I am not sure I'll ever be able to go there again, my lack of trust is clearly evident......and I even struggle to enter into friendships. Hah! That is an understatement, I don't quite know what happens but my insecurities and fears and trust issues get in the way.

This is something I need to sort through with my therapist, but I don't know when we'll get around to it with everything else we have to face. I am feeling quite overwhelmed.