Skeezyks

Thank you for your words of caution, I appreciate your honesty.

Right now I am going to take them as a safe harbor in a horrific storm.
They have never harmed me or tried to cause me to do something hurtful to myself or others. I know they sound very maladaptive, but for me they were my only way to cope without harming myself as a child.

They allowed me to cope and when I was younger allowed me to "check out" during unspeakable times. I guess my T said they were my form of dissociation without actually creating seperate personalities. For the longest time I thought everyone had voices and when people said they had self talk that was what they were talking about.

I know they are not real. I know that I created them. But I have struggled with their loss for the past 4 months. Yes by them being silent I have been able to do trauma work with my T more effectively, however over the past month, my life has become overwhelming.

My mother attempted suicide again, I found out I have a 40% chance of going blind in the next 6 months (due to an accident I was in), I am in chronic pain daily from the accident, I am headed home for a visit, that is necessary and will be somewhat unpleasant and a few other things best not mentioned.

Yes, they are maladaptive. But they have kept me "safe" and alive through the unthinkable. If they keep my from self harm, from starving myself, and they help me function at work until I can pull myself back together, then I am thankful they are back. Does it mean I use them to dissociate, absolutely.... but in my own creative way. They allow me to sleep, but yet my main voice lets me know the highlights of what I have missed, without all the emotion being attached. The whole story, then goes in a desk (yes in my mind) that gets safely locked in a desk drawer, until I can pull it out and deal with it. Yes, very maladaptive, but at this point a coping skill that allows me to live my life without all the emotional pain I will be facing over the next few months.

Right now I am headed for a terrible storm in the next few months. So right now I welcome them back.
I will take your caution and appreciate your advice.
Thank you again