Hi, blackmagic.

I'm single and I don't have kids. I'm 28 years old.

My mental health issues make me not want kids, let alone go near them; they make me incredibly anxious. Call it a phobia, I suppose, because that's a fitting description.

The thing is, part of me would love to have a son, and sometimes I'll think that it'd be nice to have a daughter. I'm told I'd be a great father, by my dad, by girlfriends, by friends. I wonder about what I could teach; the positive influence I could be. When I think about these things, I tend to get upset, because I know I could never have kids. Some people should never have kids, and I'm just one of them. I know that I would be a crap father. I'm too screwed up. I don't want my bullcrap going onto them; that's not fair! My mother did that to me and I still hate her for it.

The hardest part about the whole thing, for me, is finding a woman who isn't all "BABY, BABY, BABY. I WANT BABY!" not that I blame them for wanting kids, that would be silly, it's just frustrating when you aren't that way inclined. There is a very, very small possibility that one day I could manage at least 1 child without freaking out, but it's one hell of a small chance. By the time I'd ever get "healthy" enough to cope, I'd probably be far too old, anyway. ¬_¬ Even if I DID have kids, I wouldn't be able to participate with some things, and so it wouldn't be fair on the mother; I'd be a crap husband, too! Wonderful! ¬_¬

Sorry, that was probably veering slightly off-topic.

Funnily enough, my dad's like a big baby, so I'm a bit like a father to him? lol OK, not really, but he is a right numpty, sometimes. xD