I have always been one to look and dress how I want. For the most part I look like a typical suburban mom of two. I feel like I always need to change my looks and when I am in a hypo or depressed state I really want to change my looks kind of in a "I'm not like all of you" way. I recently got my already pixie cut shaved even more and I have an appt to add on to my tattoo. I feel like I am acting like an adolescent though. Kind of a f@#@ you to society. I wish I knew why at my age I still have the need to scream "I am not like you" with my looks. When I am in a stable state I don't have this desire to such a degree.

I guess I just feel like I shouldn't feel the need to rebel. What am I rebelling against? I am an adult who can do what I want. So often I feel emotionally like I did as a kid and teen and not in a good way. How come I can't seem to grow up?