Quote:
Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey
Picture this....
You grow up with abuse and turmoil. The message that you CONSTANTLY receive is that you are ugly, worthless, and will never be good enough. You don't get over this easily. Its not like you wake up one day and suddenly think "I am the ****!"
I am not BPD myself, but I have been through a lot of abuse. I get sick of people telling me its MY fault for having such low self esteem, for thinking bad thoughts about myself, etc. Uhm, no, its not. That would be a re-victimization. Yes, I am responsible for working on my healing (which I am), but no, I am not responsible for the results of the abuse.
I think this is something you just have to accept for what it is. You didn't grow up with abuse or deal with abuse in your life, so its impossible for you to know how abuse wears away at your self perception until you really do believe that you are a wretched person.
People tell me the same things, I am a beautiful, wonderful person, but I don't ever believe them. Its impossible to change my self perception when I have been told I am nobody my entire life. It just doesn't happen like that.
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Hi ChipperMonkey,
Thanks for the post, I really appreciate it. I completely understand what you are saying and I can see how the low self esteem, bad thoughts etc. stem from the abuse... I don't for one second blame the abused for having these feelings or thoughts.
The aim behind my post was more to just have a better understanding into the thought process that goes on with people who have suffered this abuse. Like I said, I've just come out of a relationship with someone I believe has many BPD characteristics... in a lot of ways I feel like I have failed the relationship because I couldn't get through to her or help turn things around, no matter how much love I showed, it just wasn't enough.
Perhaps this is a bit harsh of me to say...but whilst I don't blame abused people for having these feelings, I do place blame on them for projecting the hurt/pain/confusion onto innocent others who have only just tried to be there to love and support them. A lot of people with abusive backgrounds recognize the problem and consciously make an effort to turn things around and better themselves, whereas others remain in denial, project and don't accept responsibility for their actions & behavior; I believe my ex falls into the latter group, and as a result I'm left devastated and picking up the pieces. It hurts like f**k at the moment, but the saddest part is knowing she will live with a much larger, longer term pain than I ever will...and as a result I pray every day for her that things will get better.