Hello everyone.
Since I was very young, my parents were aways fighting. My mom was aways threatenning my dad and us from leaving and going away. I felt abandonned and extremelly insecure. I couldn't live without my mom. So I became obsessed with her. She couldn't even take the trash outside. I had to go with her to make sure she wouldn't run away and abandon us. Everywhere she went, I had to be with her. I even slept in her bed between her and my dad for several years. Well, once I grew up, past the teenage years, this "phobia" ended, but I think this trauma was transferred to my relationships with girls.
When I meet a girl that I like, I tend to get extremelly emotionally attached to her. I can't think of anything but her, and I feel really insecure if she isn't by my side or specially if I am not sure that she likes me back. I have to know and feel that she loves me all the time, and that she won't abandon me! And when it doesn't work out, I grieve too much. For example:
I was in a technician course, and met a girl from my class. We became great friends, and I ended up liking her, but she had a boyfriend (I felt really bad for liking her). But she gave up on the course. And then I couldn't deal with the fact that I wouldn't see her anymore. I cried and locked myself in my room for several days, and everything lost its sense and became grey and depressive. I couldn't even stand going to the course, because everything remembered me of her. But I didn't had anything with her, not even a relationship. We were just friends! I notice that every people suffer in relationships, but the ammount of pain, grief and suffering I go through is meteoric compared to normal persons. It has been a year since she left, and I still can't stop thinking of her and hurting, feeling depressed and lost and sometimes even crying. I tend to just listen to sad music and day dream that we are together. But she is not the only example. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I took 2 years to get over her. 2 years!
I couldn't stand the fact of never being with her again. I would very much prefer to have a limb ripped apart from me than have to deal with this excrutiating emotional pain that never goes away.
I really think this has to do with the issues I had with my mom in the past, but I am not completelly sure. I have heard this is called Fear of Abandonment, and that I also have to learn about the importance of personal boundaries.
Can anyone help me on how not to suffer so much from relationships? I don't know what to do, as I am growing afraid of approaching girls, since I can't stand this kind of suffering anymore.