I went to his tomb. Said goodbye. It took me long time to convince myself that I should go back to the car where my parents were waiting for me. I could stay there for hours. It helped for sure. Became real. Don't know what ceremony/ritual I could do. Right now I'm very happy because I found his photo. And I'm praying for him because it helps to calm down a bit. But the anger that he left me is there and is big. Need just time probably.
Will love him and miss him whole my life.