Sorry to hear you feel that way. This outside observer would call it an accomplishment to have soldiered on through adversity. But surely there is more than just this: you say you have done OK by the standards of others but not by your own standards. I just wonder if your standards are laudable but so high that no one could meet them? Of course I know nothing about you so I might be very wrong, but there could be case for some satisfaction here. However who am I to talk when my unrealistic standards just lead to world class anxiety, procrastination and self-esteem issues!