This is my first post here and wished I would have found it sooner. For the last 3 days I went through a Klonopin Withdrawal because I poorly managed my medicine and had hope my doctor would authorize a new refill. Because I was not thorough with making sure I got my refill I ended up going through a weekend of hell.

I've seen the Youtube videos where people title their videos "Klonopin Hell", I even went through it when I lived in California. Although from what I remember, it did not affect me like this recent experience did.

I suffer from Anxiety and Panic Disorder as well as Agoraphobia and Bipolar. Taking meds has been a huge part on battling my symptoms. In California the rules changed to where Klonopin was no longer allowed to be prescribed for long term. But after moving to Idaho, and having seen over 6 doctors finally one recommends that I should try it again.

I definitely felt it was appropriate but made that decision without considering what I went through. I literally felt desperate for relief and Klonopin was one of those meds that actually helped with some of my symptoms. So for the second time in my life. I have accepted the usage of Klonopin for panic disorder relief.

All was ok and tolerable till I went through withdrawal because of my poor medicine management. I literally was obsessed with ideas about ending my life. I'd wash my hands and catch myself in a thought and would have to coach my way through the suffering. I experienced sleep issues, maybe getting 5-6 hours a night due to adding on other meds to help influence a sleep state. I also saw brief sightings out of the sides of my eyes, shadow like movements. And also experienced non stop panic attacks. I had to find music to help get me to release stress and tension by crying because it was so bad. I am a guy, I don't like to admit that, but it does help.

This past weekend was a total nightmare, but luckily today I got my medicine refilled and have been slowly feeling better. I realize I have both a mental and physical dependence on this medicine. But I hope that rules don;t change because it does really help me go through life.

I went through 10 years of therapy, trying to find walls that I put up in hopes I would remember something I hid so that I could live a normal life. But I really have a chemical imbalance and ever since it started I have been a different person inside. Experiencing a panic attack really makes you question sometimes whether life is worth living when you know nothing works except meds like these.

Thankfully I am on the mend. I truly hope this experience will keep me from going through it again. I don;t wish this on my worst enemy. I made up a lie that I had a cold to stay home alone and not be around my parents cause i know they would have worried about me. It sucks that I worry that they would worry about me. I have pride and never want someone to think I can't live alone. I love being on my own. I hope by tomorrow I will feel normal or better at least so I can go visit my family who is all I have and the biggest reason why I fight to stay alive. Until I am all alone without them, I will fight through my depression, anxiety and panic to fight off those thoughts of suicide. I hate those thoughts but when times are rough it feels like the only solution. I hate that.

I do have tips for those that are going through tough times. If you can, drink something cold and refreshing. Watch funny videos or movies. Talk to family or a close friend about your feelings. I know I avoided my family But I talked to a close friend about some of my feelings. I still sugar coat what I say but for the most part I am able lean on a friend, express some of what I am going through and rely on that for relief. Talking about it is half the part. I know its rough, and when things feel like they can't get better, just surrender to those emotions and let out a good cry. Studies do show that crying relieves stress. It works for me. I hope if you go through this that you remember its not forever. IT WILL GET BETTER. You have to fight, fight those thoughts and interfere your thinking pattern by changing your focus. Watch funny videos of animals, people, watch funny movies. When you lay down to sleep, just lay there. Close your eyes and tell yourself "tomorrow will be here before I know it". It works everytime for me. Hang in there.

A little information about me. I am 37 years old. I am from Idaho Falls, ID. Previously a Cali resident but that was back in the early 2000's. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to. Please dont hesitate to message me. I check my mail regularly. Thank you for giving me a place to express what I went through.