Hey everyone. I am a nursing student and have actually been in college on and off much of my adult life trying to figure out what I wanted to do (being BPD doesn't help much with the impulsivity thing of switching around, either). This is actually my second time attempting nursing school, the first being 10 years ago, when I was 25 and much more impulsive and caring more about partying with friends than my academics. Now that I'm a little more settled, I'm more focused on school, goals, and getting good grades. I need to pass all of my nursing courses with at least an 80%. My long-term goal is to go to grad school, and in order to do that, I need to have a 4.0, especially since my cumulative GPA is less than a 3.0 because I spent so many years screwing around.

So far, I've been doing very well. I am not super confident in myself, but one thing I've always felt confident in is my intelligence. I was a smart kid, knowledge just came naturally to me, I always had my nose in a book (especially since I didn't socialize much when I was younger), and I've always been curious. So when I actually apply myself, I do really well and it doesn't take a lot of effort. It just...is. I don't brag about it or rub anyone's nose in it, I don't scoff or call people stupid, and I will gladly help people study if they would like me to (though I tend to get distracted and socialize... )

The problem I am having is that my nursing cohort seems to hold be at arm's length because of the fact that I do well. I did post on FB at the end of the first semester that I had achieved a 4.0, but I was excited and proud of finally achieving something and, in hindsight, maybe it was bragging. Whatever--I was mainly posting for friends and family, but I forget my cohort can also see what I post. I can't take it back, and I probably won't do it again. The other day, a classmate told me that I am the reason she and a few others had to go to the college counseling center--because, apparently, I finish my tests too quickly and it "makes everyone nervous." She told me she wasn't trying to offend me, and I laughed it off at first. But really, it upsets me. I am not responsible for others when testing, I am responsible for myself. I read quickly (if I deliberate over questions, I tend to second-guess) and I quickly re-check my test. And then I'm done. Then I leave the classroom (as we're supposed to). Someone once mentioned that I slammed the door as I left, causing her to be distracted and do poorly. I don't remember doing this and, if I did, it was an accident. Since I know I finish quickly, I try very hard to be respectful of others.

Sorry this is so long, but it really does bother me. Has anyone else ever had a similar experience? I guess I feel disappointed because, before entering nursing school, I thought many of us would bond over the shared experience of going through this stressful time together. Instead, we tend to be catty, unsupportive, and at each other's throats. I don't need these women to applaud me (I'm just glad on my own when I do well), but I kind of feel like I'm being cut down for doing well. I think that stinks.