Worrying that I am turning into my parents also bothers me - it's where the not knowing what is normal really gets to me. I often think that I am being selfish or controlling. Based on feedback from friends, most often this is NOT the case and it is my perceptions that are skewed-- but I never know.

What worries me the most is the feeling that I have to comply with other people's demands. I have no idea where this comes from. If a friend asks me if I want to do X, I feel like I have to say yes even if I don't want to. Why? Normal people just say no! They don't agonize over it the way I do. My father is a narcissist and my mother is a martyr (another form of narcissism, really).

My romantic relationships were really overtly related to the way I grew up. It's only recently that I've realized my friendships follow the same pattern. My male friends often resemble my father and my female friends resemble my mother-- not all of them, thank god.

You are ahead of the game now. You know what your parents want and you know how they go about getting it. It's much easier to deal with them knowing that, I find. I don't speak to my father at the moment, and I try to avoid my mother as much as possible. When I do have to deal with her, I refuse to play her game. I play my own, which is to wreck her game and counter every move with something she doesn't expect.

She used to call/email me all the time and nag if I didn't respond immediately. I no longer respond immediately. Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don't. You know what her response is to that? She's doing the same thing back. End result? I hear from her less. I chalk that up as a win for me! In my situation, I do have siblings she can turn her attention to, instead of me.

The reality is that your parents can't make you do anything anymore. You can choose for yourself. Sometimes it *is* easier to comply. Sometimes that gets old. I think you would have fun shaking things up and giving them something to think about