My motivations have always been stress relief and to resolve anger. I cannot afford to let my anger over power me so I used it as a pressure relief valve. I am a very broken person and have done this for 20yrs. I'm not even 30, but I know what it feels like and I can't help but crave it. I do not like to show my emotions especially hurt and need. I feel my emotions and my problems are nothing more than unnecessary complications for others. So I keep to myself and bury it all until it becomes too much.

Now I am learning to handle these feelings and emotions and cravings in a healthy way. I have to rewire my whole thought process and everything. I also have to have self control over my intense impulses.