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Oct 07, 2014, 12:55 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2012
Location: From Egypt, journeying in America
Posts: 244
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Dear bluedonna, I feel the same like you. I'm also past my youth, & messed up everything in my past years, & now I live all alone in a rented apartment, 'cause my family can't endure my mental illness.
I have absolutely nobody, that I'm now spending Eid (Christams -like in Islam) all alone  In Eid families & friends are supposed to get together & eat lamb-meat together in a feast. But since I'm alone, I ate meat delivery in front of the TV. I even felt embarrassed when the delivery guy came, I never looked into his eyes, 'cause when you order delivery for one person in Eid that only means one thing: you're a pathetic loner, & when you're a pathetic woman loner in a Middle Eastern country, social revulsion is even added to the problem
But guess what dear bluedonna; I spent the days not really happy, but not sad either, & you know how I did this?! Here you go...
First; if you're working (if you're not, believe try as much as you can to find a job, it will keep you busy half of the day), try to find something else beside work that really keeps you busy & make you have something that you're determined to finish. Ex. apply for graduate or post-graduate courses, I'm currently doing Master's, & tell you what?! That is really making really busy to keep feeling sad or indulge in emotions, 'cause I telly myself, well, I'll finish my Master's & then give myself the time to feel sad & all 
Second; try to find something that you really enjoy to make up for you being lonely. Something that you always go to & indulge yourself in & forget everything & everybody around you when you're doing. And if you can't feel yourself loving anything that much, try out everything until you find that thing  Ex. I truly love Stephen King novels, I always tuck myself in bed & read his novels whatever my mood or how bad I feel, that I created for myself a little piece of heaven that I go to, to take a rest away from my hell of a life  And tell you what; I created for myself this psychological heaven in SK novels, that even when something bad happens, just remembering SK novels makes me feel better even if I don't read them right away!
Third; get closer to God, & know that this life is not the end of it. You still got many years ahead of you, & even the afterlife (if you believe in it), so don't spend the rest of your life crying over what you lost... Make use of all your remaining time, learn more, enjoy things around you that many people in many countries don't have the luxury of enjoying...
Believe me bluedonna, it doesn't matter if we're alone, what matters is that we find the things (doesn't have to be people) that turns our time in this life meaningful, positive, & joyful ♥
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