Laying in bed for three days, mostly depressed, a few bouts of rage (one bout on sunday night was for sure psychotic (felt like i was out of this world), some food indulgances where i would just pig out all at once. cut myself 36 times last night just to feel that i was still here, i just feeel like theres nothing for me out there and that a hospital will only make it worse. sad for someday for me who at one point had so much going for himself.