((((((((((((( Alexandra ))))))))))))))

That all sounds very frustrating and confusing. Writing can make it possible or easier to say things that you just can't get out f2f, and when you take that risk and put yourself out there, it's hard not getting a direct response to what you said. I'm not sure that therapists understand how much anxiety is involved in waiting for a reply to a letter like that. It gets excrutiating, and just builds and builds over time, doesn't it? Unfortunately, not every T is good at using email. Sometimes they can learn, but for some it just isn't comfortable.

I hope that you will tell him how you really feel and what you are really thinking. Maybe you could tell him what was really important to you in the email, and ask him specifically, f2f, what his response would be to those things that you wrote.

It sounds like you are having a lot of disconnection right now, and talking over these feelings can be an important turning point for you. It can work for your benefit it you and T are able to take a good look at where the feelings are coming from, and work your way through them. I know it's uncomfortable and painful. Keep on posting about it if it helps, but make sure that you talk about it honestly with T also.

TC,
Rap