I wonder if you arent mentally rehearsing for the contigency of making that caló to turn yourself in.

What happened to me is they thanked me profusely for calling, didn't touch me at all, except perhaps to help me into and out of the car as any driver might, and made small talk on the way. No roughing up and no handcuffs. Even the time i was drunk there were no cuffs, although there were more of them in my house. I remember thinking they must be impressed by my bookcase. Sigh.

Ive met people including women who did get cuffed and thrown into the car. They were drunk and had made some suicidal threat or gesture. That plus resisting will get you treated disrespectfully to deter you from being a jerk again. Ive never heard aomeone say they made the call, were polite and gentle and ready to go and got treated like they were disgraced.

It may help if you like police. I happen to like them. I learned and trained with them.

You can always take yourself to ER too.

Its a terrible thing to have an urge to suicide as strong as an urge to have sex or smoke a cigarette. Its that seductive. I dont know when I will succumb. Just that im certain I will. One day. Maybe not this day. Maybe.