Thank you both for commenting and leaving support. It helps to know I'm not alone. I do need to accept that this is the reality - that the stress part of PTSD is real. That negative coping only exacerbates the stress of it all. Intellectually, it makes so much sense. I can look at it and understand and agree wholeheartedly. Something gets lost in translation to heart and action... but i like the idea of "dragging my feet." Honestly, that's what the ED does. I get triggered to just give up... this idea that it will never be better and I'm a hopeless case. Head goes to very dark and scary spaces. So I embrace the ED because starving does hurt me, but it's oh so very slow of a process. I almost always pull back out once the intensity has passed. Get back on track, resume recovery. This back-fires on me at times. But for the most part, it delays the worst of the thoughts and then I work with others to get back on track with food and meal plans all that jazz. So here's hoping I can get back on track.

Today has been too busy to be lost in the past. Exhausting, but helpful. This week will pass, one day at a time.