This thread really hits home for me. I have been with my husband for almost nine years. We were going through a horrible time in life and we stopped being nice to each other. We were merely living together with off and on days. I worked nights and he worked days. We had opposite days off so we never saw each other. I didn't know I was bipolar at the time and didn't understand my reckleness and actions. I started drinking every night after work at a bar with the crew I worked with. I had a very high ego as I was the only woman Chef in a very large and reputable casino. I was flying high and felt untouchable. A man started showing me attention and complimenting me heavily. We worked together so we spent a lot of time together. Well, the worst happened. I had an affair. I went against everything I had ever believed in. I wasn't a cheater. But I was now. I left my husband during a huge fight and while he was at work I picked up and left. I lived with a friend and couldn't have the heart to tell him what really happened. I was so upset that he wasn't showing me the attention that some other man was. Anyways long story short, I ended up coming clean about everything to him. We have decided to work things out. It has been almost a year and we have our good and bad days. I hurt him so bad. There was no excuse for that and I accept all responsibility. I absolutely do not dismiss what I did to him, but I just couldn't figure out what made me do it. I can't even remember the details of the affair. I can't remember what the guys face even looks like. I was so confused and came crashing down so hard. I hit rock bottom. I resigned my position as the Chef, and I sought help. It was then that after seeing a Psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and Borderline personality disorder. I feel your guilt and your pain. I feel the demons that go through your thoughts. Many times I crucify myself over and over. I understand. There is hope though. You have to admit to yourself there is a problem and you will do what it takes to better yourself, which then in turn you will better your marriage. I feel for you, I am sorry you are going through this.