She told me to get on with It. Mother is a bit Medean.

I have had untreated chronic PTSD (not c-ptsd) for thirty two years, since I was eighteen. Its been better and worse. Ive expected i would be a suicide almost all my life. PTSD is high risk. Ive been high risk all my adult life. Maybe It is time i got on with It.

I came home to live alone in my grandparents farmhouse. I didn't know mom intended to stay three weeks. Early in week three...im ready to join my ancestors.

Id forgotten how mean and destructive she is, and how much she hates me.

Do i laugh? Do I cry? Do i kill myself? What ****ery is this?

Tonight I choose to laugh and sleep. Tomorrow? Does It matter?