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Originally Posted by Readytostop
I have been to a psychodynamic therapist, a relational therapist, a trauma eclectic therapist and now a dbt and prolonged exposure trauma therapist...
There comes a time when instead of thinking you haven't had the right kind of therapist or the right therapist that you may have to admit it could be the other common denominator....me that is the issue.
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I say something similar all the time. My T compares it to being a nurse in an ICU. There is one patient with a heart attack. One with cancer. One with injuries from a car wreck. The common denominator for all of them is the nurse, but that doesn't mean the nurse is the actual problem or cause of the issues. I actually think a lot of therapists are not that skilled and it takes a while to sort through and find the right one. I tried more than 6 therapists (too lazy to stop and count them all up) before finding my current therapist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Readytostop
I can see this could be true as well as you get treated in a certain way because you allow it. I'm sure in a 100 different ways I ask for how I am treated... And I accept it. I can't make someone treat me differently...I can't change another persons actions all I can control is mine. I could choose to leave the T or the people in my life but I have chosen to stay.
I can see now that my original post about my T was worded to seek sympathy. I didn't see that before but I do now. Just me playing the victim again, I will try to notice that sooner before I post. I don't need sympathy for my choice I am not a victim.
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One big lesson from marriage counseling for me was realizing that just because I choose to stay does not mean I have to just accept my H's behavior or the way he was treating me. I could choose to stay AND insist on being treated well.
NOT that I am saying I have this all figured out, or that you have to do things in any particular way just because it has happened to work out okay for me. I am sharing this just to try to show that maybe, you are being way too hard on yourself and settling for way less than you deserve in several of your relationships. Just maybe something to think about.