phenix_zzz,

The reason you turn to ED is that it gives you a sense of control over "something", people who are stressed in their lives because of the things they experience that cause them to feel "unsafe or having no control", find different ways to gain some kind of "sense of control". All these different coping methods really do however is distract the mind so that a person can shut out whatever is stressing them.

The truth is that within human nature there is and always has been "stress" and "fear", and the reason why we survived is because we consistently developed new ways to find a sense of safety and structure that helped our species feel safe. The truth is that you are not the only one that is challenged with stress. If you just set yourself and your issues aside and look over this entire site for example, there are so many people that are trying to learn how to deal with their stress and so many different "labels" that challenge them because of "stress" too. The truth is that you are really not "alone" or less than anyone else in reality. You are more a part of "just being human" than you realize. It is important to understand that too because part of reducing stress is understanding you are a part of the norm when it comes to the average challenge that every human being has to learn how to manage better.

If you were to go to a busy shopping mall and just sit down and "people watch", you will see people that all look different in some way. They are not all perfect models either, every one of them has something they don't like about themselves, something they try to hide and stress about too. When people look at you, they are not looking at you, they are stressing about you looking at them, all human beings are like that. Well, every single person you see will have a "story" and that story is never one of "everything is great in my life and I am stress free".

Right now you are dealing with PTSD, you don't know how to manage it or what it means. Well, it takes time to discuss your own personal challenges and work on finally making the gains you need to make so you "slowly" learn how to manage the stress that challenges you better. However, "all" people work on this all their lives, and you need to find your way to understanding that you are actually more "a part of" then alone and separate from.

You don't have to be sorry or even feel guilty that you struggle with stress and that right now it can be crippling at times too. You really don't have to be sorry for "just being human", because all human beings are challenged with how to deal with stress. All human beings are learning constantly about "how to manage", and all human beings struggle to talk about their stress too. When you think about it, it's rediculous to be ashamed to talk about something all human beings have to learn to manage.

For some reason your coping method became ED, so, what you need to slowly learn is "how" to develop other coping methods that are actually much more productive for you, instead of "destructive" because ED is only one of many ways people adapt to stress that is not truely productive. The truth is "you can develop a better way to manage stress", you just have not learned or developed the skills yet, but you "can" learn, and it is important to realize you are only one of many that are learning how to better manage.

((Supportive Hugs))
OE