Quote:
Originally Posted by MotownJohnny
Teacake, I think it is your right, and I would never say anyone should not choose that if they felt they had exhausted all options. I too have felt the inevitability of it, and that thought gives me both pain and comfort at various times.
But you have to be sure, and I don't feel you are. It's just your mother triggering you. Can she not return to where ever she came from?
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I am always sure when I am near my mother long enough, lol! She has a house in the nice suburbs. She has important business to attend to here. She cannot pay a plumbers bill from out of state and "get her money's worth". And she has old greeting cards and clipped recipes to sort through. She's borderline. It is her house. I me mine. I me mine. I me mine.
Since March the suicidal impulse has been more of an impulse or a compulsión than a fear or preoccupation. I could kill myself out of joy.
W
I speak openly about It so no one can say they didn't see It coming or that It was a fleeting impulse and I didn't mean It.
Im detached from It now. I think I knew deep down I was coming home to die. She will be out of my hair Sunday, she says. I still have untreated ptsd. That wont end when mother goes home. Im still poor and dependent and the world is still a horror. I can only intellectualise so much.