Thanks, Parley -

I am just having such a hard time doing my own "differential diagnosis" because the symptoms of so many things are basically all the same. And with this delusional paranoia, I am having a really hard time telling if it is that or if it's hypervigilance, as in the link below, which OE found originally, and which I think is awesome.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder (complex ptsd, pdsd, shell shock, nervous shock, combat fatigue), symptoms and the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury explained

I have an appt in 2 weeks with the kind and gentle Pdoc who I think is awesome, I'll see what she has to say at that time.

Here is the chart:
Paranoia

Hypervigilance

paranoia is a form of mental illness; the cause is thought to be internal, eg a minor variation in the balance of brain chemistry
is a response to an external event (violence, accident, disaster, violation, intrusion, bullying, etc) and therefore an injury
paranoia tends to endure and to not get better of its own accord
wears off (gets better), albeit slowly, when the person is out of and away from the situation which was the cause
the paranoiac will not admit to feeling paranoid, as they cannot see their paranoia.
the hypervigilant person is acutely aware of their hypervigilance, and will easily articulate their fear, albeit using the incorrect but popularised word "paranoia"
sometimes responds to drug treatment
drugs are not viewed favourably by hypervigilant people, except in extreme circumstances, and then only briefly; often drugs have no effect, or can make things worse, sometimes interfering with the body's own healing process
the paranoiac often has delusions of grandeur; the delusional aspects of paranoia feature in other forms of mental illness, such as schizophrenia
the hypervigilant person often has a diminished sense of self-worth, sometimes dramatically so
the paranoiac is convinced of their self-importance
the hypervigilant person is often convinced of their worthlessness and will often deny their value to others
paranoia is often seen in conjunction with other symptoms of mental illness, but not in conjunction with symptoms of PTSD
hypervigilance is seen in conjunction with other symptoms of PTSD, but not in conjunction with symptoms of mental illness
the paranoiac is convinced of their plausibility
the hypervigilant person is aware of how implausible their experience sounds and often doesn't want to believe it themselves (disbelief and denial)
the paranoiac feels persecuted by a person or persons unknown (eg "they're out to get me")
the hypervigilant person is hypersensitized but is often aware of the inappropriateness of their heightened sensitivity, and can identify the person responsible for their psychiatric injury
sense of persecution
heightened sense of vulnerability to victimisation
the sense of persecution felt by the paranoiac is a delusion, for usually no-one is out to get them
the hypervigilant person's sense of threat is well-founded, for the serial bully is out to get rid of them and has often coerced others into assisting, eg through mobbing; the hypervigilant person often cannot (and refuses to) see that the serial bully is doing everything possible to get rid of them
the paranoiac is on constant alert because they know someone is out to get them
the hypervigilant person is on alert in case there is danger
the paranoiac is certain of their belief and their behaviour and expects others to share that certainty
the hypervigilant person cannot bring themselves to believe that the bully cannot and will not see the effect their behaviour is having; they cling naively to the mistaken belief that the bully will recognise their wrongdoing and apologise

See, I don't know.

I know my paranoia WOULD get better and go away if I didn't feel so threatened.

I definitely CAN see my paranoia, and I know it's delusional to a great deal, albeit based on a remote possibility that they COULD lock me up under the right (suicidal) circumstances.

Drugs - never had an anti-psychotic, so I dunno.

Delusions of grandeur, hardly. More like delusions of being the scum of the earth who deserves to be executed with a bullet to the brain stem.

Self importance - well, I feel like I am important to myself, which is why I fight to live. When I don't feel like the scum of the earth, I do know I contribute positively to society, and I help a lot of deserving people in my job.

Well, I have a lot of symptoms, definitely many of PTSD - like I said, is it paranoid delusion or hypervigilance???????? $64,000 question.

Well, true, probably no one is out to get me. No one IS out to get me at the moment, it just could happen if I were suicidal. The most delusional part is I think my family would be out to lock me away because it would be a way to make the problem of MotownJohnny "go away".

Constant alert - yeah, but that is paranoia AND hypervigilance, I see NO distinction except perhaps in the neurochemistry of the root cause.

Certain of my belief and behavior. I have been uncertain of NOTHING for 2 years and 2 months, and I question my sanity, my reality, and my worth constantly, not a day goes by when I wonder if I am actually way more insane than I think I am.