Frankbtl - a disability lawyer told me not to waste time appealing at this point. As I've avoided medical doctors (but have relented and have an appointment in a few weeks), as well as psych help (cost, plus fear of lockup) - I don't have "documented history" of how broken I am. He also said something about my age being a factor against me....try again next year - apparently there's something magical about being 50. Was also told that since I AM capable of working part time, even while earning lower than what is still allowable under disability rules, I've somehow proven I'm not disabled.....and not being able to HOLD a job long term (thank you anxiety attacks) means nothing. I'll check out your link -thanks for that. As far as I've been able to find, haven't found any support groups around (I live in the boonies....not much in the way of help out here for much of anything.) Right now, just trying to stretch my dwindling supply of Xanax out until I can get in to see a doc (first one in years) - and hope she'll agree to write me a prescription for it. I think that if I can keep myself on that, I'll be able to handle working for a goodly time - xanax is very effective for me. As for the pain....well.....I'm taking my dog's pain pills. No, I'm not making my dog suffer so that I don't have to. She was given them a while back, for a specific issue she's now recovered from. I'm just using up her left-overs. I checked - it's the same pain pills humans get, and actually less addictive (supposedly) than hydrocodone, which I had been taking (someone else's left overs.) So, am still fighting to get what I think I need to be able to KEEP fighting my way thru life, and will continue for now....but still not willing to be honest with any doc about my darker thoughts / feelings / impulses. I know I'm not on the brink of doing anything ....drastic.....but those who don't know me well may not see it that way, and I'll not risk it.