Somehow this reminds me of an old Jim Croce song "Old Man River." This may go back before everyone else's generation. The song has a line it that goes "I'm tired of living but I'm scared of dying." My problem is that so often I am not scared to die but scared to live, scared to face each day. I have had suicidal ideation, but I always talk myself out of it and find reasons not to harm myself. I think of my children, my dog, and others who would suffer if I were to off myself. Then I try to make my mind think of something else. Yes, it is a battle, but one worth fighting.