I so understand that comment "it has changed me". I knew how badly I had been changed....but I had fought with my parents before I fought with my H so I thought it was me that was the problem.

Interesting thing was that after I left my H (my parents have all died with my mother's death being almost 10 years ago).....but the peace that came over my life after leaving my H.....I would never go back to that life & he is incapable of changing......it's taken me these 7 years since leaving him to really see who I really am because I went from living with my parents to being married even though I was 21 when I got married but going to college for my degree.

I like me now.....I hated me then.......I never had problems with guys because I grew up with them & I worked in a man's field of computer engineering (it's changed now but back in the 80's...I was about the only female working in the department as an engineer).....I only had issues with my H........& by the end any time I was around him, I was seeing red.....I hated the angry person I had become as it was worse than it had ever been previously in my life.

The interesting about separation for me was that they kept telling me"absence makes the heart grow fonder".....as soon as he was out of sight he was out of mind & I didn't miss him for a second. I think that's a really good rule of thumb especially if you don't have any other person in the picture & you are just figuring out your marriage relationship which is the way it should be.

I definitely understand your need for the separation.....it does help determine....but like I said...don't get any one else involved in the picture while figuring out the marriage....there is plenty of time after that if the marriage is determined to be unsalvageable