So to make it more clear. I had her help me with my relationships with females internally. It wasn't the relationships were terrible all of them had their good and bad, but I do show some things similar to Borderline personality disorder except it's not like it, I only show it to them and close friends, not to strangers or too often to be considered that. When I do it's psychosis, because it's with conversations with people who aren't there. I feel like I'm being abused in whatever way by things that aren't there. I don't know that, I can only say they're not there to keep my head grounded. I had to learn that as a child in early therapy when I was very very young. I still have a wild imagination it's beautiful I love it I won't part with it. I am a child in my imagination and have it at heart hasn't left me once.
I'm not immature nor like a peter pan kinda persona. I act very mature for my age more than mostly everyone I know. Just deep inside, I am always locked away dissociated with the hear and now and my hear and now is in my imagination. I could be staring at something, and I am in a completely different world literally in my eyes seeing it as it is. Not seeing the room or house I'm in, I would feel like I am in a big field or forest fighting monsters or being an assassin or what not. It's like my child like imagination world and life hasn't left me even as an adult. I don't care if it's not normal when people do notice it which it's rare if they do I always have to tell them to let them know why I spaced out or talking to myself sometimes with actual people who aren't there.
I don't care what people think, I would rather die like this than be old and boring and angry all the time.