eskielover- you sound very similar to myself. The trauma that triggered my self-loathing is still dominating my subconscious thoughts. I too see ana as a means of suicide only less obvious to some. But many that have had or still have anorexia know that their true goal is death. I know that's my goal. But it is probably one of the most hideous ways to commit suicide.

We lose the ability to reason and simply follow this disease into the grave like obedient puppies.

Surviving on popcorn and Coke Zero gets old really fast. Then surviving on Coke Zero alone while purging it is beyond insane.

Lauren